As you may, but probably don’t, remember, I recently applied to be a head coach in the reborn XFL. As a student at the University of Maryland, obviously, my ideal team would have been the one based in Washington D.C. Unfortunately, that position went to Pep Hamilton. With Hamilton being hired, my odds of getting a job seem long at best.
Now, while I felt I put forward a strong application, it seems clear to me that the XFL is determined not to put me in my rightful place as head coach of their Washington franchise. A lesser man might see this as a lost cause, throw his hands up, and move on. But not me. I decided that the only thing to do was take matters into my own hands.
That is why, inspired by many scorned leaders before me, I am declaring myself the Head Coach and General Manager in Exile of the Washington D.C. XFL franchise.
I first want to state for the record that I have nothing against Pep Hamilton. He seems like a good guy and a good coach. But clearly, I am the rightful leader of this fledgling franchise and the job that is my birthright has been stolen from me.
So I will be doing what I can to keep my team prosperous from afar. I will have a real tough time enforcing my personnel and strategy decisions, but those fans loyal to the true coach will know that I am trying my best to steer this team in the right direction.
I will try my best to offer responses to decisions made by the usurper’s front office and to keep the spirits of my followers high.
God bless you, and God bless the Washington D.C. XFL franchise.