Hello, and welcome to Sunday Scaries, where I’ll be rounding up those in the world of sports who are probably not looking forward to the next week.
Red Sox Fans
Sports fans are weird. As a fan, you should want a lead. A lead is good. A lead means you are outperforming your opponent. Often, a lead is a good indication that your team will win. But having a lead is scary. The Red Sox have had a magical year, and they have been beating up on the rest of the MLB in ways that are often hilarious.
The Red Sox reached 90 wins before any other team got to 80. Just weeks ago, they had the best record in baseball, and the largest division lead. But now their lead, which was once in double digits, now stands at 6.5 games. The Yankees are surging, and pessimistic Boston fans are reminiscing about 1978 (I don’t really know what happened in 1978, but a lot of grey-haired men from Boston talk about it like it’s the shadowy place from the Lion King.)
Let the record show I’m not (that) nervous. The Red Sox have earned all of my faith, and I’m still confident that they’ll win the pennant. But if the Yankees come within 5 games I may just curl up in a ball in the shower.
Jerry Rice and Randy Moss
Following his recent induction into the Hall of Fame, Randy Moss highlights were popping up everywhere, which were fantastic. However, the extra attention for Moss inevitably reopened the debate for whether he or Jerry Rice is the greatest wide receiver of all time. They are unanimously agreed upon as the best two receivers to ever catch footballs. Though opinion is divided as to which one is the G.O.A.T., the debate will be over soon enough.
Josh Gordon is BACK! The man who averaged 117.6 yards per game with the saddest quarterback committee ever, composed of Brian Hoyer, Brandon Weeden and Jason Campbell, is freaking back! The man who was the first player in NFL history with consecutive 200 yard performances, something neither Moss nor Rice ever accomplished, is back. The man who scored this 95 yard touchdown…
…is back! And not only did Flash Gordon do all of this, he did it while he was drunk and high.
Yes, drugs and alcohol have been a huge problem for Gordon, and that’s not something to take lightly. But I’m not going to pretend like it’s not amazing that he tore up NFL defenses while rocking a nice buzz.
It should be an asterisk next to stats, but unlike most asterisks, it won’t take away from the impressive numbers. Instead, a Josh Gordon 100 yard* receiving game (*denotes Gordon was under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol during this performance) looks much more impressive than a sober 100 from Moss or Rice.