Previewing the Premier League two sentences at a time

Cue the Man City vs. Liverpool arguments!

Yes, we are going to preview the Premier League this year even though it’s going to be a three-club race at the top.

It’s not even close how good those top-three clubs are compared to the rest of the field, but alas, we shall give the rest of the EPL a chance.

So, instead of giving large, extravagant overviews of each club, I shall summarize each Premier League club in two sentences and give a very honest and 100 percent accurate prediction for where they will finish in the 2018-2019 table.

Arsenal: New manager Unai Emery comes from PSG and five new signings bring promise to this club to compete for European football, especially a shot at getting back to the Champions League. Too bad Stan Kroenke is gonna buy the entire club and run it into the ground.

Prediction: 4th, Champions League

AFC Bournemouth: Thank god the Cherries are still around in the Premier League and Eddie Howe is still at the helm. The problem is that they aren’t big enough to ever make a run at the Premier League title, but they will still hover around mid-table and may make a surprise run at the Europa League.

Prediction: 10th

Brighton and Hove Albion: The Amex is probably the nicest thing going for this club. Despite staying afloat in the Premier League, they aren’t good enough to stay up for long – unless more money is pumped into the club and they get attract bigger name players, like Leicester City did two years previous.

Prediction: 17th

Burnley: Once the joke of the Premier League, the Clarets have made a name for themselves, finishing seventh in the Prem last year. They have a lot of promise to make the same type of challenge for the league cup, domestic cup and European football again this year.

Prediction: 7th

Cardiff City: Wales is back in the Prem!! Too bad it will only be for one season (three teams have to go down every year).

Prediction: 20th, Relegated

Chelsea: From 10th, to Premier League champions, to fifth place last year, Chelsea seems to be in limbo as they go through new managers and new players so often. I do think Chelsea will challenge, but they won’t have the stamina to make the Champions League and will finish one slot below last year’s place.

Prediction: 6th, Europa League

Crystal Palace: I find the state of Palace to be very eh, but their signings this year will give them some hope for competing for the top-half of the table. I do think they will finish two places worse than last year, but that’s not an insult to them.

Prediction: 13th

Everton: The Toffees, the weaker club in Liverpool, will be having fun living in Liverpool’s shadow once again. Despite the flurry of deadline deals, a mid-table finish in the upcoming season beckons again.

Prediction: 8th

Fulham: I expect Fulham to stay up this season, but I literally don’t know anything about them other than Clint Dempsey played for them some years ago. They’ll be towards the bottom of the table.

Prediction: 16th

Huddersfield Town: While I would like “Hudd Hudd” to stay up, I’m sorry to tell you, they unfortunately will be going down this year. They will fight to stay up, but manager David Wagner’s broken English won’t be enough in the end.

Prediction: 19th, Relegated

Leicester City: The Lions of Leicester, two seasons removed from their magical Premier League title campaign, will fight for Europe. Unfortunately, without Riyad Mahrez they will hover around mid-table again and could fall farther than most people think.

Prediction: 9th

Liverpool: The Reds are back and better than ever. Falling just short of a Champions League title and finishing fourth in the Premier League, I believe the title will be coming back to Anfield and the KOP will be rocking more than ever.

Prediction: 1st, Champions

Manchester City: City was dominant last season, blowing away all competition (except the Champions League) and winning the league by 19 points, finishing with the most points ever in an EPL season. While I do think they will be close to the top for the entire season, they will fall short to Liverpool.

Prediction: 2nd, Runner-ups

Manchester United: Jose Mourinho is reaching the point in his managerial career with the Red Devils where everything falls apart and he’ll be gone mid-season. Or, United will make a run and win the Prem, but I think they’ll stay true to where they were last season.

Prediction: 3rd, Champions League

Newcastle United: While most Newcastle fans hope something will brew out of St. James’ Park this season, there are still lots to do with the squad. They will probably stay around where they were last season, but give them a few years and they will compete for European spots for sure.

Prediction: 11th

Southampton: The club that breeds young talent only to sell them in a few years’ time will finally have their last say in the Premier League for some time. Twenty seasons in the Premier League was nice, but the Saints are going to spend some time in the Championship before returning to the top flight

Prediction: 18th, Relegated

Tottenham: While I am an Arsenal fan, and I would’ve said that Arsenal was going to finish above them anyways, Tottenham’s squad hasn’t changed. No signings were made in the summer, and the work that Arsenal did to improve their team will be good enough to finish above Tottenham and will kick Spurs out of the top four.

Prediction: 5th, Europa League

Watford: Watford is weird because they are called the Hornets due to their color scheme, but their logo has a moose on it, so that doesn’t make any sense. As for football, they haven’t gotten significantly better or worse, so they will fall slightly in the table.

Prediction: 14th

West Ham United: West Ham is really in turmoil right now with their ownership group, but the addition of former Premier League winning manager Manuel Pellegrini will make a big difference. The Hammers will improve slightly in the league, but one slip between the board and the fans, and the team will fall hard and fast.

Prediction: 12th

Wolverhampton Wanderers: Got to give Wolves some credit for going from 15th to first in the Championship in one season, a-la Leicester City. They’ve gone from League One in 2013-2014 to the Premier League in five seasons, and their new signings will allow them to do more than scrape survival in the Prem.

Prediction: 15th

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