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Sunday Scaries Series – Vol. 1

Only a week until football is back!

Welcome to the Sunday Scaries series, a collection of articles where I’ll be rounding up those stories in the world of sports for those who are probably not looking forward to the next week.  

Dez Bryant

First up, we have Dez Bryant for his Twitter explosion on Friday. There are a lot of ways you can do wrong on Twitter. Countless athletes have been exposed for racist, sexist or simply idiotic tweets. One of the best shooters in NBA history mistakenly tweeted out what was supposed to be a romantic DM about his sexual versatility, and countless other big names in sports have revealed that they are so mentally fragile, they have to defend themselves from commenters through burner accounts.

However, Bryant’s rant this week was no mistake, and he had no intentions of using any false accounts.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen a player go after his former teammates online with such relentless force. Dez was so angry with the Cowboys and how things ended that he called one of the defensive captains a “snake” and the owner “clueless” – reaching a level of angst pro athletes rarely get to. This wasn’t a slip-up, and you won’t see him say he was hacked. Dez is pissed off, and he let everyone know.

Bryant isn’t feeling the Sunday Scaries because of this outburst. He doesn’t care one bit what Sean Lee, Jerry Jones or anyone associated with the worst fanbase in football think about him. Dez is making this list because he is for sure going to the Browns.

Yes, I know he said he will only go to a contender. But, when the Patriots, Saints, and Texans are all out on the dance floor doing their own thing, and the only team left is the Browns sitting alone at the table in the corner (and the DJ plays “Forever Young”) I think Dez will settle for what he can get. I have done neither the research nor the math, but I know Cleveland will potentially make financially irresponsible decisions to sign Dez and become most anticipated 5-11 team in Browns history.

Yankees’ Fans

Next up feeling the Sunday Scaries are Yankees’ fans. On the outside, nothing has changed with them. They’re still loudly boasting about how this is their year, how good they are, they got 27 rings and all that crap. But on the inside, they are in a very vulnerable place right now. Their precious Aaron Judge is out for a little bit with a boo-boo, though you’d think he was dead based on the reaction in New York. They went out and got Zach Britton, and he pooped his pants in his first outing. Gary Sanchez is transforming into the second coming of Pablo Sandoval, and they are six games behind the scorching-hot Red Sox.

mookie gif

Baseball has such an unnecessarily long season, and in the grand scheme of things, these upcoming weeks will probably not decide the winner of the AL East. But, underneath all of the bravado, this stretch is going to terrify Yankees fans almost as much as the Wild Card game they will inevitably play in this October.

MLB

The last spot in this week’s Sunday Scaries belongs to all of Major League Baseball. The first NFL Preseason game is this Thursday, which means everyone pretending to care about July baseball can finally give up the act and dive all the way into football season. Another MLB superstar switches teams in a blockbuster deal before the deadline? Don’t care. But wait, some fifth round running back on the Bears went for 64 yards and a TD on seven carries!!! He’s absolutely my sleeper this year in fantasy.

When basketball ends, it’s like your dog died. You loved Spot, and gave all of your attention to him every second of every day. When Spot tragically needed to be sent to a farm upstate, you were inconsolable. Your parents, trying anything to cheer you up, went out and bought you a fish. The fish is July baseball. You gave it a shot, and tried to love it like you loved Spot. But, it’s not the same. And on the day that your parents come home with a new dog, Sparky, you forget all about your fish, and head out to the backyard for a game of fetch. Sparky is the NFL, and he is infinitely better than a fish. I’ll pay attention to the fish if he ever does something cool, (a.k.a. the playoffs). Until then, it’s just me and Sparky.

sad fidh.gif

So remember, your Monday could be worse. Happy Sunday.

1 comment on “Sunday Scaries Series – Vol. 1

  1. warningtrack

    Loved this post! Funny and scary! I love dogs and baseball, though, so I’m not sure if I should be pissed about the whole fish thing.

    Like

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