Soccer

Champions League preview for people who don’t care

Hating soccer is no reason not to watch soccer.

I’m going to preface this article with one thing about me. I love soccer. I get why many people don’t and I don’t judge them for hating it or calling it boring, but I just love it. And since I want as many people as possible to tune into the Champions League final between Liverpool and Real Madrid on Saturday, I have decided to compile a list of reasons to watch even if you don’t care about the game.

The Champions League Anthem

This song rocks. It never fails to get me hyped. If I’m ever in a coma and highlights of the Patriots Super Bowl LI comeback don’t wake me up, play the Champions League theme song and if I don’t pop right up, just pull the plug and do something fun with my ashes.

Jurgen Klopp

Klopp

He’s a weird, super enthusiastic German dude in hipster glasses. Soccer fans appreciate him as a coach, but people who don’t care can appreciate him as the crazy guy on the sideline who shows more emotion than the rest of Germany combined.  

Roberto Firmino’s teeth

Firmino Teeth.jpg

As a Liverpool fan, I’m hoping Bobby will have plenty of reasons to smile and flash those pearly whites. This dude looks like that episode of Friends where Ross whitened his teeth and Chip Skylark from Fairly Oddparents had a baby. I have heard that he always plays so hard because he doesn’t want to go back to his old job as a flashbulb in a photography studio.

Mo Salah

Salah spin.gif

I don’t really have any non-soccer reasons for him to be on this list. I just love him. I guess if you need something, you can enjoy that he’s a member of the Arjen Robben-led federation of super-athletic guys who do not look super athletic.

Cristiano Ronaldo might take his shirt off

Shirtless Ronaldo.jpg

Do I hate Real Madrid? Yes. Do I hate Cristiano Ronaldo? Yes. Am I blind? Almost, but even I can appreciate the body on that man. Ronaldo makes David Beckham look like Pablo Sandoval. If he’s taking his shirt off, it’ll probably be because he scored, which would be bad. But also his shirt would be off. So we’ll call that a slight loss for me and a huge win for casual observers.  

 

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