If you’re like me, you probably forgot that there is more to horse racing than the two minutes of action at the Kentucky Derby. However, on Saturday, the Preakness Stakes will give people who know nothing about the sport the opportunity to once again pretend like they do.
Besides Justify going for the second leg of the Triple Crown, there is one main reason people love horse racing: gambling. (You thought I was going to say the fancy hats? Jokes on you, I think they’re stupid.)
So although I know nothing about the race, that does not mean I can’t help you win some extra cash. Let’s look at the odds for the eight horses running in the main event.
Disclaimer: My odds are just on the names of the participants and I will also not be using Vegas-type odds (3-1) because I am still unsure of how they actually work. Also, real odds are subject to change as it gets closer to the race, these are based on the morning-line odds
Real Odds (1-2), My Odds: Decent Chance
I feel like I can really justify this horse winning (crickets chirp in the background). It’s a simple name that doesn’t do too much, but at the same time screams “I am good at running fast”.
Real Odds (3-1), My Odds: Really High
I mean, the name has magic in it. Are we really going to sit here and say it’s logical to bet against magic? The only time you can do that is if the action is taking place on a basketball court in Orlando (burn).
I’d even place a bet on this horse in the exotics category. If there is a wager going down on which horse has the best chance to fly, it’s clearly this guy.
Also, good on the horses’ owner not to name him “Bad Magic”, because that’s too scary for me to bet on.
Real Odds (12-1), My Odds: Yikes
This name reminds me of the scenes in Family Guy where Stewie can’t pronounce Cool Whip correctly. Though it was funny at first, it has become quite annoying, so this horse stands no chance.
Real Odds (15-1), My Odds: Pointing Towards No
You may think horse racing isn’t a team sport, but there are plenty of people involved. The jockey, the guy who pets the horse to calm it down, the guy who picks up the insane amount of poops the horse leaves everywhere, etc.
Lone Sailor seems to have forgotten that there’s no “I” in “Team”. So while his name is super badass, I don’t think such a self-centered, conceited horse is coming out victorious.
Real Odds (20-1), My Odds: No Chance
I don’t know what this word means, so I cannot vouch for this horse.
Real Odds (20-1), My Odds: Favorite
His name literally means “10 times greater”. Essentially, this horse is 10 times better than the other seven in the race. Lock of the century.
Real Odds (30-1), My Odds: Really Close Second
Diamond and King are both cards. Cards are used in gambling. You are gambling on a horse race here. Must I go on?
Real Odds (30-1), My Odds: Not great but I love this horse
So baller that the horse with one of the lowest odds of winning has a name that perfectly fits that. We should start doing this with everyone. I’m no longer Ryan, I am now going to be known as Mr. Watches the Same Show on Netflix Over and Over Again.