Last Thursday, Vince McMahon took the world by storm, announcing he would be bringing back the infamous XFL…in 2020. McMahon is bringing back the league with the promise of creating a better, safer, faster and more family-friendly game of football. I’m not sure how something that replaces a coin toss with two men fighting for the football can be considered safer and family-friendly, but I’m still here for it.
The return of the XFL means that teams are going to need to fill their rosters with non-NFL players. Although the likes of Johnny Manziel (who can’t play) and RGIII have already taken to Twitter to express their excitement, myself and WTS writer Alden Newman have decided to go outside the box and brainstorm some other people who we’d like to see join the league.
Why should three-time slam dunk champion Nate Robinson come out of retirement and play football? Because he’s a three-time slam dunk champion.
5’9” Nate Robinson in the dunk contest was must-watch television. But Robinson can ball out in football too. He played defensive back in college, but was forced to choose between the two sports. Now at 33 years old, his NBA career is over, but he hasn’t given up on his football dreams. He even tried out with the Seahawks and impressed Pete Carroll. Robinson could easily become the Darren Sproles of the XFL.
If Dwayne Johnson’s whole presidency thing doesn’t work out, The Rock belongs in the XFL. He famously played football at Miami, where he showed flashes of greatness. But injuries cut those dreams short allowing The Rock to instead dominate the entertainment industry. So why now, at 45 years old, when he’s making millions upon millions of dollars just flexing his muscles and walking slowly away from explosions, should he return to football? Because The Rock is aching to come back. As much as Dwayne Johnson enjoys singing in animated Disney animated movies, there is a trash-talking, terrifying beast inside of him yearning to break free. The XFL could bring back the old Rock that we all know and love.
Every time Americans see Bolt run, they begin drooling as they imagine him with a football in the open field. He’s 6’5”, and his estimated forty yard dash time is 3.97 seconds. I don’t know how much football they play down in Jamaica, but the learning curve shouldn’t be too hard for Bolt. Just stick a ball in his hands and tell him to do what he does better than anyone else in the world: run.
Just as a reminder, all those guys he’s separating from are among the fastest men in the world.
Vince McMahon may be one of the best promoters of all time, but this is 2018. If you want people to pay attention to you, there’s no one that gets more eyeballs than the one and only LaVar Ball. He’s already made a WWE appearance, and it was exactly as spectacular as you could imagine. While at 50 you may think he’s washed up, only a small baller would believe LaVar doesn’t have something left in the tank. He made three NFL teams’ practice squads, and has played quarterback, tight end, defensive end and even ran back some kicks. Even if he just stays on the sidelines and runs his mouth, LaVar Ball and the XFL make too much sense.
Dave “El Presidente” Portnoy
Much like Alden’s choice of LaVar Ball, my decision to throw the man who claims to have “invented the internet” into the XFL is more based on entertainment than athletic ability. His strong personality, trash talking skills and excessive confidence basically exemplifies everything the XFL needs.
However, after watching the way Portnoy performed in Barstool’s combine (NSFW), I imagine him more as an owner or coach of a team who can dominate the mental game allowing him to not have to worry about pulling a hammy everytime he takes a step.
This will actually work out well, as Vince McMahon is going to need help in creating ways to get people to tune into the games once they realize how awful the skill-level is going to be. So why not bring on the man who was able to make a ton of money off of random people in West Virginia fighting each other? Adding “Pres” to the list of characters in the league would be a wise choice for the XFL.
In the first ever article written on What the Sports, I discussed how Noah’s uber-confidence would allow him to defeat Kyrie Irving in a game of one-on-one. Since then, I think he has become even more confident in his own athletic abilities which is why I need to see him in the XFL. He may not have the size for the league, but as long as he truly believes in himself, I think he could survive one series and only break five bones.
Noah has also become really good at randomly challenging people to fight him, even when there is absolutely zero reason for a fight to begin. I need to see this attitude in the XFL, and I know he can bring it. I also would very much enjoy watching what happens when Noah asks someone to fight and they accept his request.
The King is going to be a free-agent soon and instead of leaving Cleveland for another NBA team, I think he should just head on over to the XFL. He’s already accomplished everything he can playing basketball, and the Warriors are preventing him from winning anymore titles, meaning it is time to move on to a new league. If I’m LeBron, I’m choosing the XFL because he would immediately be the best athlete in the league and can probably become the GOAT after about three games.
Also, we all know how good James is at being petty towards his own teammates. However, since he is the greatest to ever play, no one will ever do anything about it. I liked to see what happens when LeBron posts an Arthur meme about one of his XFL teammates, they get upset, and he can’t just drink wine with them on Instagram to save the problem. LeBron drama is something every league needs for headlines and the XFL is no different.