Eminem’s “Revival” album coincided with this year’s halfway point in the English Premier League. But as the plethora of festive fixtures came and went, it’s time to take a breath and reflect on each team’s season and how each one of these Marshall Mathers’ classics describes their seasons thus far.
Manchester City – Lose yourself
Manchester City is unbeaten in the league and went on a record-breaking 18 consecutive match win streak. The 15-point lead at the top looks to be an insurmountable gap for the other contenders, but could Pep Guardiola’s men collapse and truly ‘lose’ themselves in the moment with some nervous mom’s spaghetti on their sweaters already?
2. Manchester United – Kings Never Die
Manchester United has many self-proclaimed “kings” on the team such as Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Jose Mourinho and Paul Pogba. These kings seem like they will “never die” (or retire), but they are being pushed out of England’s elite by the blue side of Manchester this season.
3. Chelsea – Phenomenal
Chelsea has some of the most phenomenal players in the league on its squad, but just like with the song itself, their arrogance at times has led to the slip from last year’s title.
4. Liverpool – Legacy
If there is one thing Liverpool fans are always quick to point out, it’s that Liverpool is the most historically successful club in England, but they lack recent silverware. However, it’s using that legacy to try and keep their best players from leaving that will be key for this club to take the next step into title contention.
5. Spurs – Never Enough
No matter how attractive the soccer, how many goals or how great the defense is, Tottenham’s quest for a title always proves too futile. With players like Harry Kane, Dele Alli and Christian Eriksen, Tottenham should really not be having patches of inconsistency like their early winter fixtures.
6. Arsenal – The Way I Am
Arsenal has been the most stagnant team in the league for a decade now. Owner Stan Kroenke and Arsene Wenger have answered all the constant criticisms of the underperforming, injured, defensively naive squad with, “It’s just the way we are.”
7. Burnley – Not Afraid
This counter-attacking team isn’t afraid of any team, and Burnley’s place in the standings is certainly justified as a result.
8. Leicester – Sing For The Moment
Leicester’s magical 2015/2016 season may never be repeated by another Premier League team, but they should stop singing for the joyous moment that was, and instead focus on the current situation. Their recent form suggests they are starting to do that well.
9. Everton – Kill You
Everton’s horrible start to the season had fans ready to kill. Sam Allardyce’s bribery scandal with the national team and Gylfi Sigurdsson’s scary Icelandic fans could kill off some competition in the last few months.
10. Watford – Cinderella Man
Watford can be a ‘Cinderella Man’ on any given matchday, especially earlier this season. Tough players like Troy Deeney and Etienne Capoue can muster up an upset against the top teams, but can also play down to their opponents levels.
11. Huddersfield – Almost Famous
Remaining in a mid-table position for most of the season, the entire Huddersfield squad is relatively unknown. I literally only know two players on that roster: Danny Williams and Tom Ince.
12. Brighton – No Love
Brighton are quietly one of the most impressive teams in the league this year. With limited funds and not a deep bench, Brighton has really never flirted with the relegation spots this season, but has gotten ‘No Love’ in return.
13. Newcastle – The Monster
Newcastle can be one of the least fun to watch teams in the league. Rafa Benitez has to replace monsters like Jonjo Shelvey or else the club as a whole will be seen as the ugly monster of the league.
14. Crystal Palace – When I’m Gone
Wilfried Zaha has Crystal Palace on top form recently. However, with a lot of speculation regarding other teams interest in the left winger, Palace could be consoling their fans when they’re gone and relegated at the end of the season.
15. Bournemouth – Beautiful
The attacking, free-flowing attack is a beautiful sight to see. Still, just like Eminem’s message of trying on each other’s shoes, the attackers may want to try on the woeful defender’s boots to salvage what is left of this season.
16. West Ham – Berzerk
Things have been a tad bit ‘Berzerk’ for West Ham the last few seasons. From the Dimitri Payet saga to David Moyes learning how to manage again, fans hope it won’t be berzerk all night long.
17. Southampton – Cleanin’ Out My Closet
The Saints are always cleaning out their closets as they again sold their best player to an English club. The gaping hole that Virgil van Dijk’s departure leaves in the defense won’t be too good for Southampton’s hopes to climb up the table to safety.
18. Stoke – ‘Till I Collapse
Stoke City has been here in danger of being relegated to the Championship before and they will be here again, that is unless they finally collapse this season under Mark Hughes.
19. West Brom – Without Me
West Brom started the year brilliantly yet again, but has struggled to garner points since. The difference when West Brom and Slim Shady say “Without Me” is that people won’t feel too empty without a boring West Brom match every week.
20. Swansea – Just Lose It
Swansea has officially lost it and are as bad of a club as much as funky of a song as this.
Listen to the playlist on Spotify here: https://open.spotify.com/user/vcw0mjznjvs6cxxkaeznr92l1/playlist/74Qv0ZHGOejWYDwRGnOpKe