Soccer

The Premier League All-Stars

The third installment of all-star teams for the world's top leagues.

Base Formation: 4-3-3

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Forwards:

 

Eden Hazard: Hazard, the stout little Belgian winger, mans the left flank. His blistering pace, skillful ball control and powerful shot make him a nightmare for all opposing teams.

Harry Kane: Harry Kane, the most stereotypical British player in the history of soccer, mans the center forward position. He is the quintessential striker, with hold-up play ability, clinical finishing, and impressive passing skills.

Alexis Sanchez: Alexis Sanchez is a fantastic dribbler and scorer and with his pocket-sized stature and fantastic work rates, he is like soccer’s Energizer Bunny.

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Midfield:

N’Golo Kante: Kante, the most frustrating player to play against in FIFA, occupies the space behind De Bruyne and Silva. He is pacy, incredible at defense, and also is a talented dribbler.

Philippe Coutinho: Coutinho is an all-world attacking talent who deserves a place in the starting lineup of any team. His lightning-quick skills in tandem with his powerful finishing make him deadly to opposing defenses. He has a high offensive work rate and will provide attacking reinforcement from the midfield to this Premier League frontline.

Kevin De Bruyne. Kevin De Bruyne, the redheaded set-piece specialist, controls the right-hand portion of the midfield. He can knock down a fly from two miles away with his precision passing, and also has a rocket of a boot.

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Defense:

Danny Rose/Kyle Walker: Danny Rose lines up opposite his former Tottenham-mate Kyle Walker. With pace and strength, these two make a formidable fullback duo for this all-star side.

Azpilicueta/David Luiz: David Luiz, the man who is tied with Fellaini for the worst hair in soccer, teams up with fellow Chelsea-man Azpilicueta at center back. Azpilicueta and Luiz are a proven effective combination, as they locked down the rest of Premier League last season en route to a title.

David De Gea: possibly the world’s best keeper, will start for this all-star side.

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Bench Spots:

David Silva: David Silva, who recently made the terrible decision to shave all his hair off, will come off the bench for this all-star side. In late-game situations, Silva’s creative ball control and passing capabilities can be put to use to help the team score.

Sergio Aguero: Sergio Aguero, one of Argentina’s many world-class forwards under 6’0”, brings goal-scoring prowess and pace off the bench.

Marcos Alonso: And finally, Marcos Alonso plays left back for the all-stars. He is a young and talented wing back for the reigning league champions Chelsea and can provide versatility, defense, and an outdated haircut to this squad as a sub.

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