The La Liga All-Stars

The first of a four-part feature of all-star teams for the top leagues in Europe.

Base Formation: 4-3-3

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Cristiano Ronaldo: Ronaldo, the beautifully sculpted soccer god, is a goal-scoring machine with bird-like leaping ability and strength. His goal output can make any frontline lethal. However, he annoys just about everybody when he inevitably removes his shirt after scoring.

Luis Suárez: Occupying the center forward position, this vampire can drop behind the wingers using his impressive array of dribbling skills and bite opposing defenders to create space for himself in the box.

Lionel Messi: This miniature soccer genius occupies the right wing. His left-footed darting runs and precision passing from the right wing are lethal in combination with Suarez and Ronaldo.




Luka Modric: Luka Modric runs this all-star team’s midfield. He controls the game through his amazing long passes and beautiful ball retention skills. His goblin-esque facial features are also effective in frightening opposing teams.

Toni Kroos: Toni Kroos, an incredible passer and defender who moves like a 55-year-old Xabi Alonso, plays to the right of Modric. Threaded through-balls from Kroos and Modric to La Liga’s impressive array of forwards can create nightmares for opposing leagues.

Casemiro: Casemiro, the dirty Brazilian holding midfielder rounds out this all-Real Madrid midfield. The Bill Laimbeer of soccer, Casemiro is sure to put fear in the hearts of everyone he plays.



Marcelo: The Brazilian plays left back for this all star side due to his fantastic crosses and overlaps with CR7, making for a fantastic offensive duo.

Sergio Ramos/Gerard Pique: The duo of Sergio Ramos and Gerard Pique has been impressive for past Spain teams, and their passive-aggressive tweeting before their matchups will be effective in getting in the heads of competition.

Dani Carvajal: Dani Carvajal, a boringly consistent bearded fullback, plays right back for the La Liga all-stars because of the stability he brings to the backline.

Keylor Navas: The Costa Rican mans the goalkeeping position, as he keeps proving his doubters wrong.



Gareth Bale: Bale, a pacy and talented right winger who is as fragile as mom’s special occasion china, is this side’s super sub. He can track back, dribble through opposing defenses and score amazing goals with his powerful left foot.

Antoine Griezmann: Griezmann’s stats and highlights speak for themselves. He is a top-tier talent that barely missed out on a place in the starting lineup.

Diego Costa. Costa’s last appearance in La Liga resulted in a league title and a Champion’s League final appearance. I know he isn’t the best looking guy in the world, but he can score goals better than most of his fellow forwards.


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