What the Sports is beginning a series where our writers examine issues with some sports that may not be as popular as others. Here is the first edition, where Noah Gross examines What the Sports is wrong with soccer.
The “Global Game” is something I, as well as tons of others in America, have a lot trouble watching. So, inevitably the question arises as to What the Sports is wrong with soccer? There is the ‘World Cup effect’ every four years where fans feel a rush of passion for soccer after watching their country’s team play, but it is not enough. Without further ado, here is what is wrong with soccer.
This is the big one for me. Watching soccer can be an enjoyable experience, just not if I am around. Within the first five minutes of the game, I will explode and yell at one of the players for excessively flopping. If you think flopping is bad in basketball where someone just falls over when they weren’t hit that hard by a 6-foot-8 beast, wait till you watch soccer flops.
Some of these athletes will flop so intensely that they may just convince themselves they are actually hurt. It seems like more than just coincidence that everytime a soccer player is running and an opposing player gets near them, the offensive player flails his arms like they have been shot. Or in some cases, nobody needs to even be near them.
I could go on and on with these gifs, but the point remains the same. These flops are cringeworthy, and are way too prevalent to make this sport enjoyable to watch.
Cardio is the enemy. In a world so divided, we can all agree on one thing. Bulking is what everyone should be doing at all times, and avoiding cardio at all costs. Soccer is nothing more than glorified cardio.
This goal is awesome, but is it really worth it to run all that distance to score a goal? I think not. Fans inevitably have trouble watching all that running, not to mention the lack of appeal of playing with all the movement required.
A lot of the best soccer players are found overseas, playing for prestigious teams in Europe instead of the MLS. Many of the games are played at weird times in the U.S., making it tough to stay up/wake up and watch. Since many players don’t speak English well, or speak it at all, it can be difficult to connect with some of the stars. Also, a lot of the European players are just absurdly good looking, making many fans feel inferior.
When Cristiano Ronaldo takes off his shirt like this in the middle of the game, it is game over for a lot of self-conscious males.
I’m sorry, I thought this was America? Ties are not accepted in this country, especially scoreless ones. We only have winners and losers. Watching soccer is tough enough, but if a game has no scoring, the players could start getting bored enough to do this.
90+ minutes of only passing, just to have neither time win, is not exactly riveting stuff. Penalty kicks are awesome, but there are two short overtime periods just to get to them, and games often will end after regulation.