While everyone is freaking out about Game of Thrones , there is a different momentous event that is almost here. Forget winter, fantasy football drafts are coming. The event requires hours of scouting and preparation for a glorious pot of money and infinite bragging rights for the rest of your life. Of course, all of this is ruined when someone decides to draft the Seahawks defense in the sixth round and friendships are forever broken for messing up the draft. However, the most underrated component of creating a team is selecting the team name. The name must be clever, football related, and for extra points, a little crude. Here are my steps for developing the perfect fantasy football name that will make you a winner.
The first step is to find a NFL player that has an obscure or funny name, It is 2017, no more ‘Insert Name Here’s team’, ‘Number one fan’ or ‘Cowboys 19-0’. Be better than that. The art of fantasy football deserves better than that. After you decide on a player to mock, try to turn it into a pun that somehow mocks their name. The best-case scenario is to have a name that mocks a player on another league members favorite team, but this very difficult. It’s hard enough to come up with a clever name in the first place, let alone trolls fellow league members.
Potential options for names include Ha-Ha Clinton Dix for political jokes or LeGarrette Blount for… well, you get the idea. I have used “LeGarrette’s Blount” for my team name in the past, but there are many more clever options. While “LeGarrette’s Blount” seems lazy, not all first and last name combinations are lame. For example, a creative name would be, My Jim Schwartz are Dirty, mocking the Eagles Defensive Coordinator and former Lions head coach. Schwartz stinks as a coach, just like the gym shorts, but we can do a little bit better.
Everyone must instantly know who your team name is mocking, so a coordinator does not really work. The fear is that your league members think the joke is funny, but would have to think for a minute before remembering who Jim Schwartz is. So, who is a name everyone would immediately recognize? Gronk. So, “Gronk if you love Jesus” is an improvement. This name is good, but it’s a little wordy. Another name that is fine, but wordy, involves the Baltimore Ravens kicker. “Yippee Ki Yay Justin Tucker”, pays homage to Die Hard, and has an appropriate amount of crude in it for those not willing to go the extra mile with their team name choice.
The runner up in the perfect fantasy football name is “Julio think you are”. The name combines the famous The Who song with stud receiver Julio Jones. This name is almost perfect for me, though there is one small problem. People do not all say Julio the same way, so the play on words may not be as obvious as it should be.
Finally, the perfect fantasy football name: Inglorious Bradfords. Bradford is a funny enough sounding name because of his earnings to touchdowns ratio. Well, that and his floppy sleeves. Bradfords replaces Bastards for the title in Quentin Tarantino’s bloody WWII film. The name also gets bonus points because everyone gets hurt (or worse) in the film and Bradford always seems to be injured. This name is perfect as it mocks a player who is not well-liked, has a quirky name, has a nice pop-culture reference and has a little bit of crude in it.
Let us know if you have any other suggestions for the perfect fantasy football name.