Liking a post or a comment saying that one’s teammate is bad or should be traded is petty. As is sending passive aggressive tweets that don’t explicitly say anyone’s name, but clearly call someone out. Pettiness may be looked down on in most walks of life, but it is very prevalent in today’s NBA.
There are often hypotheticals of what the perfect quarterback, point guard or cleanup hitter would look like, with a combination of different players attributes morphed into one perfect player. The same thing could be done with pettiness. Each NBA player is petty in their own special way. Here is the perfectly petty NBA player.
Hands – Isaiah Thomas
When it comes to the hands of our perfectly petty player, all that matters is how the player handles social media. Thomas is not just active on twitter, but does it with a petty side. He has liked posts saying Jae Crowder should get traded, which is as petty as is gets. He also managed to brag through emojis about a franchise’s championships he was not a part of.
Thomas may not be the most well known tweeter, but he is not afraid to throw shade at anyone, including his teammates.
Feet – Draymond Green (kick in nuts)
Was there any doubt? It is tough to be petty with your legs, but kicking people in the groin (repeatedly) will do the trick. His leg is a weapon, and boy does he use it to his advantage.
Soul – Rudy Gobert, foreign
Rudy Gobert has an innocent accent, so his pettiness is truly petty, right? People often think he does not have evil intentions like others do. But it is tough to not have evil or very petty intentions when you post a video of yourself listening to a song that… well, I will let the video do the talking.
Gobert posted this very shortly after his former teammate Gordon Hayward agreed to sign with the Boston Celtics. Gobert is innocent deep down, or at least that is what people think, a vital attribute for our petty star.
Head – LeBron
LeBron James could be in any list for anything, so it is fitting he makes this list. LeBron is incredibly bright, being able to recite every play from a game exactly as it happened. He mind controls everyone, including his teammate. He knows just what to say and when to say it to be effectively petty. LeBron can, and does, say things on Twitter that others can’t pull off. It is more effective to say things publicly over social media sometimes than face-to-face, and nobody does it better than James.
Clothing – Russell Westbrook fashion icon extraordinaire
NBA players as a whole have the biggest spotlight on them when it comes to what they wear from head to toe. A lot of what these players wear is heralded as fashion genius, but if the everyday person wore it, society would scoff at them. Of all the players who are praised no matter what they put on, nobody is more obscure than Russell Westbrook. Brodie really started the whole modern NBA fashion trend. He is also the best at actually being petty just by wearing something. He has done it multiple times, but none more effective or memorable as his first game against former teammate Kevin Durant.
KD mentioned his passion for photography earlier that year, so naturally, Brodie dresses up in that vest.
Size – Joel Embiid
Joel Embiid is hysterical on Twitter and in real life, often being petty. He is not afraid to smack talk on and off the court. His pettiness is not limited to just basketball though. This is just the life he lives. He put out a video on child support of him side-stepping a female with a caption saying he is avoiding child support. Not everything The Process does is politically correct, but nobody is stopping a seven-foot beast.
Eyes – Kobe Bryant
It is not easy to be petty with one’s eyes, but The Black Mamba has done it. Kobe had ‘that look’ in his eyes when the game was on the line, but that is not the only look he has. Bryant can show such disgust or anger with anyone, even his teammates that is is frankly frightening. He has been known in the past to glare at someone when they do something even remotely not up to ‘mamba standards’. Just look at these eyes folks.
Immaturity – Kelly Oubre
Usually the most mature players won’t be petty, except LeBron of course. But generally, pettiness and immaturity go hand-in-hand. One of the most immature players in the league resides in the nation’s capital. Kelly Oubre will act on instinct and pout about everything.
A player with Isaiah Thomas’s tweeting ability, Draymond’s excessive kicking, Gobert’s innocent accent, LeBron’s wit, Brodie’s dress code, Joel Embiid’s size, Kobe’s eyes and Oubre’s immaturity would sure make some headlines.